Saturday, 14 December 2013

32 weeks

Today Ham is the size of a squash.....whatever size that is. All I know is he is big.

My dress is from +Gap and the crop top is on sale at +Urban Outfitters right NOW! The jewelry and shoes are vintage thrift store finds.

Today I have some things to talk about that will make me truly live up to my name. I am a total grump. But I think it's important to be honest, because if even one person can relate to you and feel less alone, well, that's the whole point.

I am having second thoughts. I am worried. You know when you make a really big decision and then wonder if you did the right thing? Well that's where I am today. What if I don't like the baby? What if I am a bad mother? Do I really want this, or is it going to ruin everything? I feel smothered by the inescapable decision I have made. It's all just so final, so concrete. There is definitely a sense of "Oh God, what have I done?" This baby was planned but lately I find my self with feelings of insecurity. It must be so impossible for women who find they are pregnant unexpectedly.

I am sure it will all be fine. I adore kids and can't wait to meet the little Ham that's growing in my belly. Still, a certain amount of doubt or apprehension is normal, right. Is it normal? I'm just going to go all in because, really, that's the only option.

Anyways, that is the truth and I think it's important to be honest. Please Internet, don't judge me too harshly.

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