Postnatal Depression

I am finally out of the dark and feel like I can talk about this. This is something I should share, for myself and for any one else that might go through it.

Here's the thing: I can't gush.

I'm not one of those new moms who goes on and on about how life's so wonderful or how "I've never known a love like this before". Lots of times I would find myself thinking "I wouldn't feel this way if I was a good mom" or "I want to be a better mother for him."

I realize that my hormones have been all over the map and it's not entirely my fault. Some people are lucky to have family supporting them and unfortunately there's an ocean between me and mine. Sleep deprivation is an actual form of torture so it's no surprise I've gone a bit mad. Plus breastfeeding is hard, man. It's all a bit of a shock. I love my son, really, and I would be absolutely devastated if anything were to ever happen to him.

The first 8 weeks are very difficult. Fake it till you make it was my daily mantra. I think I am starting to come out of the woods now and I am so grateful for that. If anyone else is/has struggled with coming into their new role as a mother: you are not alone. It's ok. Take care of yourself; it's the best thing you can do for your little person.

Please feel free to contact me or share your experience in the comments.

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Bad back

Everyday I do these back stretches at least once. When HAM was around 3 weeks old I got a major back ache right between my shoulders. I took ibuprofen and that would dull the pain but it didn't do anything long term. Only a tiny bit of the medicine is transferred in your breast milk, but I still don't want to have to take painkillers every day. I started religiously stretching my back in the morning and although the pain isn't gone, it is getting better. The magic isn't in my specific stretches as much as taking 5 minutes to look after yourself and listen to your body. Here's my routine anyways:

Roll down, touch toes, roll up, 3 times

Standing saw stretch, 3 each side

Cat stretch moving into a cow stretch, 4 times

Wag the tail, 4 times each side

Thread the needle, 4 times each side (my favorite omgggggggggggggg)

Downward dog
Walk feet in to touch toes, roll up
Shoulder rolls, 4 times

Standing quad stretch, each side

Neck circles, 4 times, then reverse and do 4 more

I got some of the stretch ideas from this Pilates video that I did during my pregnancy. I always always did the last 10 minute set, Pilates for flexibility, because it really loosened up my hips and back.

How do you keep in shape? If you know any great back stretches please let me know so I can add it to my routine!

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Hair cut

I love my long hair. I like all the ways you can style it and how easy it is to manage. Braids are my favorite.

After giving birth I was desperate to cut my hair almost immediately. I managed to work my hair into a rat's nest during my labor with all my writhing about. Waiting for it to dry took too much time. I had to hoover the house nearly every day because of post pregnancy shedding.

It's a good idea to get a hair cut before you give birth. Trying to arrange a half hour for yourself might not seem like a lot but it feels nearly impossible with a newborn baby. 

I am really happy with my new short bob, but to be honest, I am just going to grow it out again. As much as I like styling long hair, right now ain't nobody got time for that.

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Welcome to the world

Ham was born February 7th (right on time!) at 1AM. He was 7 pounds 12 oz and 21 inches long.

Welcome to the world little man.

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The last time I was pregnant

I went into labor at 2AM on a Thursday.

Looking at this picture, I can't believe that was my body! I know it's only been 5 weeks but damn.

When I went into labor my waters broke first, which apparently doesn't happen to most women. I wasn't really ready for it. When you're preparing your hospital bag make sure that you pack a lot of bottoms. Trousers, panties, pads, ect. It's a mess down there.

I went in wanting to try for a natural water birth. LOL. Long story short, I begged for an epidural and the hospital kindly obliged. I wasn't too disappointed about my plan not working out because it's not like you get a special medal for taking the pain. I have a lot more respect for women who do now, but I wasn't up for it. I know a lot of women get upset about these things but you really can't be too hard on yourself. Be kind to yourselves ladies; do what you can and don't sweat the small stuff.

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Maternity knickers

Can I speak candidly?

I have flat out refused to get special maternity underwear. Most of the maternity knickers I see in the shops look exactly the same as regular underwear so I don't really get the point. And I've not wanted a pair, until now. Not seeing a need for them until I am 39 1/2 weeks pregnant is probably a testament to how unnecessary they are. I only want them now because I am so uncomfortable. Let's be honest though, everything is uncomfortable when you're this pregnant. I am not going to buy special panties when Ham could be born any minute. I don't know, maybe afterwards I will find that all my underwear are too big because they've been stretched out by my bump. Guess we'll see; I'll let you know.

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39 weeks

Today Ham is apparently the size of a watermelon.

The dress and shirt are vintage. The vest is +Topshop.

I love this vintage dress; it is one of the very first vintage items I ever purchased. Every wardrobe needs a good wrap dress and mine has a really cool bird print on it! because of the style, I can still wear it even though I am very pregnant; I just have to put in some safety pins so it doesn't fly open in the wind.

I am ready to not be pregnant anymore. Well, not practically, I haven't actually finished the nursery, but physically. He's just so heavy; it's not easy carrying a bowling ball around all day. I'm craving a lot of sweets like Snickers but I am really trying to resist and eat healthy. Sometimes I even succeed.

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New Look spring wishlist

The spring season is trickling into stores. Lots of dainty floral patterns, strappy camis, and casual chic trainers. +New Look has some adorable spring styles for cheap prices.

Black sandals, £19.99

Daisy cami, £12.99

Feather earrings, £2.99

Lattice dress, £19.99

Large dial watch, £9.99

Beaded necklace, £9.99

Floral dress, £17.99

Blue tote bag, £19.99

Button cami, £14.99

Faux fur high tops, £19.99

Double strap cami, £7.99

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Celebrity style

I love to see what pregnant celebrities are wearing. What they wear on the red carpet and especially how they're styled in their causal day to day lives.

She looks amazing! I love the wet look leggings and layered blacks; it's all very chic. How is she managing to walk in those tiny stilettos? 

Kerry Washington made a bit of a strange decision at the SAG awards but here at the Golden Globes she looks absolutely stunning. The cut of this dress is so flattering and cute!

Michelle Heaton really does wear pregnancy well. She seems to be a big fan of +Tiffany Rose, although the dresses in these pictures are not from there.

The embelishment design is gorgeous and flattering, and I love how she's paired it with a bad ass leather jacket. It reminds me of the maternity dresses you see at Rock a Bye Rosie.

Ciara looks dazzling in this Pucci dress. Now that is red carpet glamour.

I love this pattern and color on Katie Piper. She is glowing!

Golly, does Kerry Katona look cozy or what? I think I need one of these for the rest of the winter.

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38 weeks

Today Ham is the size of a pumpkin. That's right. A pumpkin.

The dress is vintage from +Etsy, the shirt is also vintage, but I stole it from my dad's closet. The cardigan and purple tights are from Primark.

I swear this baby is coming early, but what do I know. Pregnant women probably always say that their first time around. I just can't imagine being more pregnant than I am right now, but somehow it keeps happening.
I don't think I've ever felt a Braxton Hicks contraction. My mom says that if I'd had one I would know. Does every pregnant woman get them? Did I miss something?

I'm not nervous or afraid, but I am getting a bit anxious with all the waiting. It could be today or it could be in three weeks. Am I ready? I hope so.

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Baby books these days

After shopping around with my husband for ages, I am pretty happy with the baby book we chose. The pockets and case are really nice.

BUT

Why are there pictures of other babies in this book? Who wants that? What is the need for all this frivolous photographs; aren't you supposed to illustrate it yourself with pictures you actually take yourself?!

My Baby Journal Delux, £19.99

I tried to find a baby book without all these stupid pictures and drawings. These are the best I could find. What's with baby books these days?!
My other top choices:

Baby Journal: The Story of..., $14.95

Eric Carle's Very Special Baby Book, £12.99

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Bad investments

I did a post Tuesday about maternity essentials or what I considered to be good investments. Well, my choices haven't all been smart. Here are some of the bad investments I've made during my pregnancy:

Interview clothes

Nobody is going to hire you . Definitely do not need these. It's one thing to buy professional maternity clothes if you have a job that requires them. It's totally different if you get interview clothes. Don't bother. 

Baby Clothes

People will want to buy you things and clothes are probably the most fun gift to shop for. Make it easy for them when they ask what you need: tell them you want clothes and what size. Really, it's better than saying you want a sterilizer or something. Way less fun to buy. I purchased a bunch of baby clothes just to get bundles more from neighbors, family, friends, and pretty much everyone who hear I was pregnant.

Lingerie

I don't know what I was thinking to be honest. This had to be my dumbest purchase by far. I guess I still wanted to feel sexy with my changing figure. Best to buy lingerie that is an actual maternity line.


Baby Blankets

This is another case of letting people gift blankets to you. I was going to knit Ham a baby blanket myself but I ended up getting 8 baby blankets as gifts. And I don't even know that many people! This is something friends and family will want to get it for you, so let them.


Clothes for Clubbing

Everybody has an opinion about how you should conduct yourself and most people aren't shy about it either. Turns out nobody wants to go to the club with a pregnant lady. When did it become wrong for a girl to want to get dolled up and dance?

Underwired Bras

Your bra size will get bigger and bigger throughout your pregnancy. Then your breasts will get even larger and your chest size will get smaller when you start nursing. It's much better to buy accommodating bras during this time. When you lock yourself in to an underwire size there is less room for comfortable growth. I bought two underwired bras in my second trimester and I can barely stand to wear them now.

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Email the love

It's really hard to be so far away from my family and friends. Both my parents are nurses so I have come to them with every single health concern I've ever had, until now. The distance is hard enough, but being in a whole different country, the medical procedures are also a bit alien. For example, we don't have gas & air in the states; I had never even heard of it until I watched One Born Every Minute.

So I make up for it by sending them a lot of pictures and updates via email. Whether they like it or not. What I didn't realize was that I was keeping a sort of photo diary that is really nice to look back on. Here's a small sample; most of my pictures are just a bit stupid. Enjoy.

I'm so excited to meet you baby Ham!

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Maternity essentials

Now that I am a million months pregnant, I am looking back and making an inventory of good/bad purchases I made. Here are what I consider to be good investment, "buy the day the stick turns blue," maternity essentials:

Bump pack £14.99, +New Look

I mentioned this before in my what to buy a pregnant lady cor Christmas post. It really covers the basics so you will be comfortable and stylish through your pregnancy.

Nightie £78, +Free People 

Probably the best investment for your pregnancy. A nightie is comfy and key in your sleep wear wardrobe when you have several bathroom trips a night.

Shop Intimately Free People!

Jeans £225, Blossom Mother & Child

As I said in my maternity jeans post, good jeans are one of the best investment you will make. Don't try to make it through without them; do yourself a favor, go to the shops, and find yourself the perfect pair asap.

Tights £24, Spanx

Do you really need maternity tights? YES. You won't need them in the first trimester but you will be really glad to have some that actually fit your body later in your pregnancy.

Blazer £169 £101, +Isabella Oliver 

A blazer is the perfect layering piece so you can stay warm but look chic and professional.

Basic Tee £10, +ASOS

This is kind of a no brainer. Do I really need to explain?

Dress $76, Michael Stars

You need a dress that is simple, comfortable, and flattering so that you can accessorize it and make it fierce.

Shop MichaelStars

Wrap cardigan £49.89, +MAMALICIOUS 

My wrap cardigan has become absolutely key to my pregnant wardrobe. It is so versatile to keep you comfy and warm. PLUS this is a piece that could be part of your regular wardrobe as well your pregnancy and nursing wardrobe.

Maxi dress £90, Madderson London

Maxi dresses are great for layering but they also bring the glamour. If you want to make an impression at a holiday or maybe your baby shower, then work it in a classic floor length dress.

Everyday wireless maternity bra £40, +figleaves.com
Ok, don't buy this the minute the stick turns blue, but buy it in your second trimester for sure. Do not try and wear your old bras, unless you really want to punish yourself for some reason. Your chest and cup size will go up steadily through your whole pregnancy, so get something you can grow into.

Sturdy fashionable flats are absolutely essential. You gotta find some great shoes so you don't look frumpy without your heels.

Sandal £46.39, +Nasty Gal 

Oxford £100.73, +Nasty Gal 

Shop Nasty Gal!

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