Postnatal Depression

I am finally out of the dark and feel like I can talk about this. This is something I should share, for myself and for any one else that might go through it.

Here's the thing: I can't gush.

I'm not one of those new moms who goes on and on about how life's so wonderful or how "I've never known a love like this before". Lots of times I would find myself thinking "I wouldn't feel this way if I was a good mom" or "I want to be a better mother for him."

I realize that my hormones have been all over the map and it's not entirely my fault. Some people are lucky to have family supporting them and unfortunately there's an ocean between me and mine. Sleep deprivation is an actual form of torture so it's no surprise I've gone a bit mad. Plus breastfeeding is hard, man. It's all a bit of a shock. I love my son, really, and I would be absolutely devastated if anything were to ever happen to him.

The first 8 weeks are very difficult. Fake it till you make it was my daily mantra. I think I am starting to come out of the woods now and I am so grateful for that. If anyone else is/has struggled with coming into their new role as a mother: you are not alone. It's ok. Take care of yourself; it's the best thing you can do for your little person.

Please feel free to contact me or share your experience in the comments.

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Co-sleeping

This is the one thing that has returned me to sanity. Before I tried co-sleeping I was a tired, crying, nervous wreck. No one told me that "sleeping like a baby" meant grunting like a trucker every minute or so.

Co-sleeping gets a bad rap. I'm sure a lot of first time parents, like myself, are too nervous to try sleeping with the baby in the bed. Honestly though, sometimes you have to. I'm not drinking, smoking, doing drugs, or sleeping on a couch, so I decided to try it and see. I was a little uncomfortable at first, afraid to move, but now we've got a comfortable routine. HAM sleeps so much better when he is next to me and I don't have to get up to check every time he makes a weird noise. Win win. He still sleeps soundly on his own in the Moses basket at night. And anyways, it is my professional opinion that you cannot spoil a baby under 6 months.

What helps you get more sleep?

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Reusable nappies

Some people might think this is weird but I want to use reusable nappies. I just don't like to throw things away, especially if I don't have to. I am not a crazy environmentalist; I just like to get good use out of things. Like, I would much rather spend twice as much on a dress if I know it's going to last for longer than a season.
This site has a lot of information about reusable, or what they call "real" nappies. It's good to know your options so you don't invest tons of money just to find that it's not what you need. They sell all different kinds of nappies and are more than happy to advise you and answer all your questions.

They made a video by them about how to use muslin squares as a nappy on a newborn. 

Plus they look pretty cool. They aren't cheap but boy, are they stylish. These are the two patterns I got for Ham from Amazon.com

+TotsBots Easy fit snaps, $24.50

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Japanese brand: Familiar

I was given these adorable clothes for Ham by a Japanese friend who has 2 boys. They are ridiculously cute,: I die. 

I mean, right?

This is all from their winter collection.

Problem is, I don't know where to buy this brand. Maybe that's a good thing because I feel like if I could get this stuff I would get ALL of this stuff. 

I MEAN SERIOUSLY!!!!

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Timberland

I adore these boots and think they're going to be a must-have for my winter wardrobe. They'll keep my toes cozy warm, and the bottoms are non-slip. Plus, I love the +Timberland work boot look with jeans and a v-neck. It's so low-maintenance sexy, like, "oh I just look fabulous naturally all the time."

Timberland Fold-Down Boot (£130)

Now, I am not the matchy-matchy type but how cute are these?! Ham can have his own little work boots!

Timberland Booties (£30)

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